On Motherhood…

Katie is due any day now, and as we anxiously await the arrival of Baby Boy Bruckner I can’t help but reflect on the past 14+ months I’ve spent as Mom (Ma or Mamama as she says) to sweet Elem.

My pregnancy with Elem was bittersweet.  I had just lost my Mom to cancer a couple of months before we found out. Elem was due in October…the month of my Mom’s birth, her wedding anniversary, and her death.  It was hard, and wonderful, and well like I said, bittersweet.  When I first saw Elem, I knew she was special…yeah I know, everyone thinks their kid is special, but this is different.  I knew from the start that some of my Mom’s soul was in there.  The best parts.  The beautiful blue eyes, the fierce determination, the smile she was wearing when she saw the world.  That was all my Mom.  She was optimistic.  Always smiling (except through some of our teen years, but you know).  A wonderful teacher.  Most of all she loved me with that fierce determination.  The one that allowed her to live 10 years past the deadline that doctors had given her.

So yeah, Elem was my gift.  She radiates with people.  She is funny (although she’s going to have to work on her material if she decides to take her comedic act on the road, because touching people’s noses and laughing hysterically probably won’t work once she’s an adult…but then again, who knows?)  She knows when I need a hug and promptly throws her arms around me.  She is the best.

There’s nothing like when she looks up at me with her blue eyes–red hair all a mess–graham cracker on her face–only one sock on because she took the other off and carried it around and left it somewhere that none of us know– and throws up her arms in the air to ask me to hold her.

I always do.  Because one day I might not be there to hold her when she needs it, but she will know I loved her with that fierce love.


{Because really what my Mom taught me was urgency.  We should all have it for the people that matter in our lives.}


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